Five Must Ask Questions Before Saying Yes to Being in a Wedding
The day finally happens. One of your besties is engaged! Before you know it you’re being asked to join them in celebrating as a bridesmaid! Being asked to stand beside someone you love on one of the best day of their lives is an incredible honor. While it will be lots of fun and full of amazing memories, it’s most likely going to be a very expensive honor. Just because it might be expensive doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it, it just means you need to ask the right questions so you can be prepared and budget for the costs!
So what should you ask? From my bridesmaid and wedding planning experience, here are the
Five Must Ask Questions Before Saying Yes to Being in a Wedding.
1. Where will the wedding be?
With more and more wedding taking place in gorgeous, picturesque locations (aka destination weddings!), this is a MUST ask question. There will be a major difference in price if the wedding is taking place in your city versus if the happy couple is planning their big day in Cancun, Mexico. The location of the wedding will determine if you need to rent a hotel or book flights, which both can lead to costs adding up quick!
2. What will I be in charge of?
With the majority of “traditional” wedding etiquette going out the window, each individual bride decides who they would like to be responsible for what part of the wedding planning. As a bridesmaid, will you be expected to chip in for the bachelorette party and help host a bridal shower? As the maid of honor, is the bride hoping you’ll plan the bachelorette, a bridal shower, and attend all pre-wedding festivities?
While some of these might seem like common sense, it’s better to be safe than sorry and get a sense of the brides expectations upfront. Part of this includes asking about where the bride is hoping to have her bachelorette party. It’s becoming more common to have “bachelorette weekends”, with many occurring out of town. Does the bride have her heart set on a girls trip to Nashville? Is a low key night out with friends more her thing? The price of various celebrations ranges widely, so make sure you’re aware of what you may be asked to spend.
3. When will the wedding be?
Knowing when the wedding celebration will be will help you determine how long you’ll have to save! Three months? Nine months? A year and a half? This will also help you determine if the wedding is taking place the same month as other weddings on your calendar, YOUR wedding, graduation, or other important life events. It’s much better to know ahead of time that you’ll have a big spend month (or season!) rather than it coming around and you not knowing what hit you!
4. Have you picked out bridesmaid dresses yet?
AKA how much is that baby going to cost me?! Bridesmaid dresses can range from $20 (maybe even less!) to $500, not including alterations. If your bride hasn’t picked out the dresses yet, it might be worth asking if she wants your input or assistance, so you can have better chances of this falling on middle ground.
5. Will you be asking us to pay for our hair and makeup to be professionally done for the wedding?
Obviously no one expects the bride to foot the bill for hair and makeup, which can get wildly expensive, but knowing if you will be expected to pay $150-200 for the day of is a big deal when it comes to planning. Even if the bride hasn’t thought this far ahead, it’s a good opportunity to get the conversation started!
If it’s still out of your budget…
After asking these questions, if it seems like something that will just be entirely out of your budget (add it up and see!), then you are NOT a horrible person/friend/sister-in-law/whatever for saying so. Considering offering some time and energy elsewhere, in a way that supports your budget and financial goals. This could look like: offering to help arrange flowers, offering to help set up, coordinate aspects of the rehearsal dinner, coordinate logistics the day of, help address invitations, etc.! There are many ways to participate in a wedding and support those you love that don’t involve spending a ton of money.
Challenge!
However! I would challenge you to add up the costs and see if you can make it work! Perhaps this means adjusting your budget for the next nine months, or picking up some extra shifts at work. Within reason, it is SO worth the memories that you will make. Make smart decisions, create a budget, STICK to your budget, and have a blast!
By planning and asking the right questions up front, you can save yourself the mental anguish over the costs and not need to whip out your credit card to afford supporting your friends.
What questions do YOU wish you would have asked before agreeing to be in someone’s wedding?