Five Ways Your Debt Free Journey May Be Negatively Impacting Your Mental Health
Do you ever think about tackling your debt and get totally and completely overwhelmed? Something that is WAY under acknowledged in the personal finance world is the way finances affect our mental health. Not only do shitty finances negatively impact our mental wellbeing, but the way we tackle our finances can impact us in major ways as well.
While the Dave Ramsey mindset of fervently and furiously pursuing financial freedom can be quite motivating for some, for others, pursuing this lifestyle (even if it’s not long term) can be detrimental to your mental health. It’s important to be aware of how this can impact us in negative ways in order to take the appropriate steps to address the impact, so that we can keep on keeping on to pay off debt or accomplish other financial goals!
1. We get too down on ourselves when we make a mistake or “blow the budget”.
While I am all for accountability, sometimes we just need to show ourselves some grace. We are our own biggest critics and this can prevent us from making progress. When we forget to account for an expense, haven’t saved for an unexpected bill, say “yes” to something we simply don’t have the money for, or any other “money mistake” you can think of (You’re probably thinking of your most recent one, aren’t you? We all make them!) we can get SO down on ourselves.
“I’m terrible with money”
“I’ll never get this right”
“I’m not cut out to be (more so, FEEL – whatever your definition is) successful”
These are the stories we start to tell ourselves when we make mistakes with money, especially after committing to achieving some sort of financial goal. While we do absolutely make mistakes, these narratives are simply NOT TRUE! Shifting the way that we talk to ourselves when we catch ourselves thinking this way is vital.
“I’m terrible with money” -- CHANGE IT TO -- I made a mistake. That doesn’t make me terrible with money.
“I’ll never get this right” –CHANGE IT TO -- I made a mistake. I can make better decisions in the future. I WILL and CAN get this right.
“I’m not cut out to be (more so, FEEL – whatever your definition is) successful” - You made a mistake. Acknowledging the mistake, learning from it, and doing better in the future is literally HOW YOU BECOME SUCCESSFUL. Whatever your definition is.
Paying off debt is hard! Changing habits (lifelong habits at that!) is hard! Beating ourselves up over the mistakes we make along the way is a surefire way to ensure that you feel terrible about yourself.
2. We compare ourselves to others.
Comparing ourselves to others is something that can feel impossible to escape. The rabbit hole of comparing your financial situation to the financial situation of those around you (I’m lookin’ at you, Instagram) can be never-ending and miserable.
Personal finance is PERSONAL for a reason. No one shares the whole story on Instagram. Unless it’s a close friend (and even then things can be hidden) there is NO way of knowing someone’s entire financial situation.
See someone your age with a beautiful house, well-dressed kiddos, they themselves are always looking super cute, posting from different vacation spots each month…. Maybe they didn’t go to college and accumulate loan debt. Maybe they didn’t have the option of going to college. Maybe they are purchasing everything you see on credit cards that they can’t pay off. Maybe they have worked their butt off and struggled to get where they are. Remember, no two situations are the same!
Don’t get down on yourself because you don’t have what others might. Sure, maybe after some time you are able to discern that someone is in a similar financial spot, yet they are doing things you wish you could do or have things you wish you could have. Use that as motivation!
The problem arises when we get into a negative head space because we aren’t where someone else is or don’t have what they have. Again, our journeys are different! Everyone struggles. Everyone. We compare our journeys without acknowledging and talking about WHY and HOW we got where we are.
Comparing ourselves to others can be a sure fire way to feel like crap as you work towards your financial goals.
3. We don’t acknowledge the needs in other areas of our life.
Reaching financial goals (especially paying off debt) can feel all consuming. It’s SO easy to eat (cheap food), sleep (crappy apartments on crappy beds), and breathe (the stale air of workplaces, of course!) accomplishing our financial goals. When that’s all you’re thinking about, besides paying off bills and the regular stress of normal life, you might not even realize you are neglecting other areas of your life.
We don’t need to go crazy and spend massive amounts of money on “self-care”, but we CAN make small changes and choose to take care of ourselves in other areas of our life besides our finances. You can cook dinner with your fiancé (in my case) or have your family over for dinner.
No matter how good it will feel when you accomplish whatever goal you’re working towards, if the rest of your life is totally out of whack, is it really gonna be worth it?!
4. We work ALL the time.
I’m not just talking about the working 9-5 M-F and then a weekend gig on occasion. I’m walking about the 9am-5pm at Job 1, then 10pm-7am at Job 2. AND you work all weekends on top of that. It’s so easy to go into survival mode when this is how you’re operating!
This is one that I’m definitely guilty of. I go, go, go until I crash. Especially if you naturally operate at a fast-paced speed and have that love/hate ability to get shit done, it’s easy to think that you won’t crash. But you do. It’s inevitable. No one can keep going at full speed forever! Maybe that’s a lie.. I know a couple people who are probably aliens and don’t crash…
Get to know yourself and what you need! Going all the time is OKAY if that’s how ya wanna do it BUT you need to know yourself and know when to take a break. Before you crash, not WHEN you crash. I don’t know about you, but when I crash I CRASH. It’s bad. Thank goodness for my fiancé who so kindly helps me pick up the pieces, even when it isn’t his job. If we are going to take ownership of our dreams and goals, then we have to take ownership of our minds too!
5. We don’t take the time to acknowledge our progress.
Okkkay, progress is NOT only when you pay off all those loans or save up your whole down payment for a house! You said “no” to yourself when you wanted to eat out for lunch because you just went grocery shopping yesterday? Progress! You made one extra payment to your credit card this month? Progress!
Social media makes it so easy to think that everyone is making all this wild progress (back to #2, comparison is ROUGH) and you’re lagging behind. You aren’t! It’s easy to start to feel bogged down or like you want to give up when you don’t take the time to acknowledge how far you’ve come.
When it comes to looking at our progress, it’s also important to remember that progress is NOT linear! Throwback to AP Psych anyone?! You’re going to most likely take five steps forward and three steps back. That’s okay! Don’t let yourself quit when this happens. It HAS to happen for you to move forward.
The other day at work I forgot about something pretty important and started to think the thoughts of “Man, who hired me for this job?! Who actually lets me work with humans?! I’ve never gotten anything right and all I do is make mistakes.” Went home from work, had a snack, got my head on straight, and realized that I actually don’t always make mistakes and I’m not as terrible at my job as I let myself believe. I started to remind myself of all the things that went right for me to even be able to make this mistake. Also I’m new! I’m learning! I should make mistakes! If I wasn’t, THAT is when I should be worried.
9/10 chance I (and you!) won’t make the same mistakes again in the future. That’s a made up statistic but depending on how initially rough your mistakes make you feel, I’d imagine it’s probably accurate 😉
Pay attention to how far you’ve come, and when you hit a bump in the road, remind yourself of your progress. You’ll get back on track that much quicker.